At the close of chapter 2, Peter wrote to the slaves in the
churches. He encouraged them to follow the example of Jesus Christ. Eventually,
the Gospel was the undoing of slavery in the Roman Empire. Before the end of
slavery, Christian slaves demonstrated that a person could follow the will of
God and still suffer injustice. Today, Christians are called to speak for those
who have no voice.
Peter wrote to husbands and wives in chapter 3. We have more
research on family and marriage available today than ever before. We have more controversy and confusion about
marriage than at any other time. Christians struggle in their marriages just
like everyone else.
Rick Warren said,
“Christians shouldn't confuse marriage with an ultimate solution to all of
their problems because instead, saying ‘I
do’ will likely magnify the problems you already had as a single person.”[1]
Being a “Christian” does not guarantee marital success. What
does God’s Word say to the married couple?
1. A successful
marriage is rooted in following the example of Jesus.
1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not
believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their
wives, 2 when they see the purity and
reverence of your lives.
Peter spent more time addressing women than he did men. In Peter’s time, women were in an entirely new situation
as Christians. Before Jesus, women were kept down. This was particularly the case in the Roman Empire. The freedom
that Christ enabled brought many questions. Many of these women were married to
men who were not Christians; the wives needed wisdom and direction on how to
cope with this reality.
Marriage is a union. It is a physical relationship.
It is a change in status—a fundamental shift in priorities and approach to
life. Marriage is a deep, complex, and
intimate relationship.
Ephesians 5:31 “For this reason a man will
leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become
one flesh.”
How does a Christian succeed in marriage?
In 1 Peter 3:1, “in the same way” refers
to the example of Jesus Christ. Jesus gave of himself selflessly by bearing our
sins on the cross. In the same way, the husband and wife are to live selflessly
by following the example of Jesus.
For most of us, we learn by observation.
Parents and grandparents love to see children learn by imitating mom and dad.
When kids imitate a positive example, they become better people. However, for
many, good examples were not available. Many of us did not have good role
models to influence us in the family.
We can always follow the example of Jesus.
The first step in following his example is to become a Christian, believing in
him. When we are followers of Jesus, we spend time with him by reading the
Bible and praying for guidance. This is
the most important aspect of a successful marriage.
Peter reminded wives that they were to
submit to their husbands. “Submit” is a
military term which means “to place in
rank.” God has created the world and the church with a plan for leadership. God
has also created the family so that the wife is
protected by the divinely ordained leadership of the husband.
Nowhere here does Peter assert that the man is superior to the woman. The best and most rewarding marriage is a marriage designed
by the Creator; God’s plan for marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Both male and female are created
in God’s image to give glory to God. Both are of equal value before God.
A marriage ceremony is a celebration of
oneness before God. Two become one. The couple makes a covenant before God to
enter into a spiritual, emotional, physical, and legal union. This is why believers must always marry other
believers.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together
with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or
what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Many Christian woman and men in Peter’s
time were married and then converted to Christianity. Today, many Christians
are married to unbelieving spouses. Peter reminded believers that humility had
a profound influence on an unbelieving spouse. He wasn’t talking about
manipulation. Peter was calling for a genuine desire to serve the unbelieving husband
with authenticity.
No amount of begging or preaching will
convert some. This is particularly the case
in the home where people are in close quarters and can see the positive and
negative qualities of their spouse. Sometimes a “hard-sell” approach drives
family members away. Character and compassion are the best sermons to
unbelieving family members. The fruit of the Spirit are the most compelling influences.
A good marriage is more efficient for spiritual growth than any other
church ministry or program. In a Christian home, we can learn to be more like
Jesus. A wife can learn to be an encourager by encouraging her husband. A man can learn to serve by caring for his
wife. Children can learn to thrive within the bounds of authority in the home.
Kids can develop a vision for what it means to be Christian men and women by
following the example of their parents.
2. A
successful marriage focuses on the qualities which matter to God.
1 Peter 3:3-4 Your
beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and
the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather,
it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet
spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
Peter’s word for “adornment” is the Greek
word “cosmos.” This is the word from
which we get our word for cosmetics. Peter referred to the Roman fascination
with fashion, dress, hairstyles and makeup. Wealthy Roman women wore gold and
silver adornments in their hair and expensive clothes. Interestingly, the
preoccupation with style has not changed
in our day.
Peter didn’t denounce fashion. He reminded
men and women that glamor was artificial. Real beauty comes from within.
Solomon acknowledged the fleeting quality of external beauty.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and
beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Now, married couples shouldn’t let
themselves go. Although style and beauty aren’t everything, they do have their
place. Peter’s point is that we shouldn’t major on fashion and neglect working
on the inward beauty. It is possible to wear stylish clothes and wear jewelry
and still honor God. After all, if we care about our spouse, we want to look
and be our best for them. A gentle, quiet spirit is attractive.
3. A
successful marriage demands hope and a sense of adventure.
1 Peter 3:5-6 For this is
the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn
themselves. They submitted themselves to their own
husbands, 6 like
Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you
do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Peter pointed out Sarah as a good example.
Sarah was a beautiful woman who supported her husband Abraham, even when it was
challenging and dangerous. God called
them to leave their homeland and to venture to a place that God would reveal to
them. She wasn’t a perfect woman. Sarah did live with a reverence for God and
respect for her husband.
In our day, we need more couples who are
willing to stick together. Tony Evans said, “Rather than being married by the
justice of the peace, it looks like we’ve been
wedded by the secretary of war.” In our grandparent’s day, divorce was
rare and couples were willing to work out their differences. Today, separation
and divorce are common. Divorce is reserved
as an option by many if the marriage becomes unhappy.
Some are not interested in marriage at all.
They don’t like being tied down to one person. After all, why should people get
married when they can live with whomever they wish and not worry about being
judged? Our modern relational climate is inhospitable to God’s Word about
marriage.
Marriage isn’t
easy. When two people get married, they
bring twenty or more years of past experiences. Each person has their own way of looking at life. The couple has to
figure out roles and form values in the relationship. Often, it's hard to reconcile these differences and to
make the changes necessary to create a
stable relationship. However, when the two put God first, it is possible to
build a marriage that is healthy and yielded to Jesus Christ.
“A wedding is a combination of
discontinuity and continuity. Discontinuity speaks of a cut with the past.
Continuity speaks of something that is ongoing from the past. When a couple
gets married, they break a family tie prior to
their wedding. It’s particularly true for the female,
but normatively true for both parties as they disconnect with their mother and
father as their primary point of family reference. And then they go out and
begin a new household. Yet, although they
disconnect with yesterday’s family ties,
they continue a magnificent institution called family. It’s not the same as the
one they are disconnecting from but it continues the same principle of family. God calls this connection a covenant.
The word “covenant” can be seen all the way through the Bible as God’s word to
explain or describe a new relationship.”[2]
4. A
successful marriage enhances a person’s connection with God.
1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Husbands are to be considerate, as they live with their wives. This implies that husbands are to spend time with their wives. Many men, when confronted with the choice, choose to spend too much time away from home. Some men work too much. Others are solving other people’s problems while their own marriages are suffering. This is not good for the relationship.
Husbands are to treat their wives with respect. It is hard to pay proper respect to someone you hardly know. Ignorance can destroy a marriage. The man needs to grow in his understanding of his wife’s needs and emotions. He should learn to communicate effectively with his wife. It takes time to develop this level of communication. However, it is essential that a couple can be honest and open about their feelings so that no hidden resentment or frustrations build in the marriage.
The husband and wife are “heirs together” of the gift of life. What an incredible thought! Often, God puts two people together who balance one another out. She needs his personality and strengths. He needs her personality and strengths.
“The husband must be the ‘thermostat’ in the home, setting the emotional and spiritual temperature. The wife often is the ‘thermometer,’ letting him know what the temperature is! Both are necessary. The husband who is sensitive to his wife’s feelings will not only make her happy but will also grow himself and help his children live in a home that honors God.” Warren Wiersbe[3]
When a wife shows humility and a husband demonstrates
consideration, God will develop their marriage into an incredible partnership.
When either the husband or wife fails in their responsibilities, a spiritual
connection is lost. Peter mentioned that the couple’s effectiveness in prayer
was dependent on their efforts in following Christ together.
The most important thing in a marriage is love. Love helps
us get through the tough times.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of
sins.
“A husband and wife one day were fussing.
They were really going at it. So the wife
suggested they write down their complaints on a piece of paper and then show
the other person exactly how they felt. She thought it might cut down on the
bickering. The husband agreed and got the paper. She got the pencils. They both
started writing.”
“They both wrote furiously for a while. The
husband would pause, look at his wife, and write some more. The wife would
pause, look up at her husband, and write some more. The husband paused again, looked at his wife with an even angrier look
on his face and he would write some more. The wife did the same and then put
her pencil down. Her husband was still writing. He looked up at her in fury and
continued writing. He kept writing. Then he wrote some more. Then he wrote even
more. The wife was getting furious because she had covered one side of the page
and her husband was finishing the backside of his paper. He kept looking up at
her and coming up with more to write. Every time he looked up, something new
would come, and he’d write some more.”
The wife was in agony, crying in anger.
Finally, they exchanged papers. He wrote, “I love you” on every line. Even
though he was angry, he wanted her to know that he loved her.
“When she saw that much love, it covered
the multitude of sins that brought up the argument in the first place. When you
and I love one another like that, that kind of love can cover up a multitude of
sins.”[4]
Marriage Inventory
1. Are we working together or going in
different directions?
2. Are we helping each other
grow in the faith?
3. Are money and
external issues more important than heart issues in our home?
4. Do we understand each other
(likes and dislikes, communication style, emotions)?
5. Do we take one
another for granted?
6. Is God answering our
prayers?
7. Is our marriage life-giving? What
needs to change to make our relationship
better?
[1]http://www.christianpost.com/news/rick-warren-if-marriage-magnifies-your-problems-then-why-did-god-create-it-163301/
(Retrieved on May 31, 2016).
[3]Warren Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, Volume 2 (Colorado
Springs, CO: Victor, 2001), 411.
[4]Tony Evans, Tony Evans Book. . ., (Chicago, IL:
Moody Press, 2008), 198-199.
