Single

“Yes, but when are you going to get married?”

The greatest figures of our faith were single:  Jesus and Paul.  The ancient church was born in a time of a sexually sensitized culture.  Male and female prostitutes worked in the temples of Corinth.  Homosexuality was common.  Various ascetic groups taught against marriage. 

Epicurus stated, “The wise man will not fall in love… [and] will not marry and raise a family.  Occasionally, he will marry owing to special circumstances in his life.” (p. 21, “Single” Harold Ivan Smith)

Recognized church leaders of the past had negative views of marriage.  Ambrose remarked, “Married people ought to blush when they consider the lives they live.”  Jerome suggested that a married man who loved his wife too much was an adulterer (presumably to Christ).  Aquinas is said to have marked two levels of morality…the high road of celibacy and the low road for marriage.   In days past, married couples were told to be abstinent three days before communion.  Eventually, the clergy were to be celibate (p. 22-23, “Single”).

The Reformation changed a lot of thinking on singleness and marriage.

For example, singles became less preferred in early American history.  Some colonies only granted land to married men.  Maryland taxed single men.

Jesus spoke of the value of singleness in a different way.  It wasn’t a punishment or a way to achieve grace from Heaven.

Singleness is often viewed as something that is not quite “grown-up,” desirable or normal.

Singleness has many advantages.  The Bible identifies several.

1.       Much can be done for “the sake of the kingdom” as a single.

Matthew 19:12 “For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

2.        The pressures of the world are difficult for married couples and couples with children.

The Apostle Paul lived in a world without single adult groups.  Like much of our world, Paul’s world was marriage-focused.  People had many children.  Yet, Paul placed singleness on par with marriage.  He made it clear that neither state is better than the other.

1 Corinthians 7:25-26 Now concerning the betrothed (virgins), I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

Paul referred to “the present distress.”  Generally, this suggests great conflict between the Christian life and an evil world.  Specifically, this may have referred to persecution. 

Persecution is difficult for a single person, but the problems of following Jesus are often multiplied for a person who is married and/or has children.

3.       Fear and security sometimes preoccupy the minds of married couples and/or those who have children. 

1 Corinthians 7:27-28 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

Why would Paul have asked singles to remain single?

Paul speaks practically.  He talks about the limitations that come with marriage.  “Worldly  troubles” or “trouble in this life.”  When two people are bound in matrimony, the problems of human nature are multiplied. 

Marriage can be very rewarding. 

4.        Marriage solves some problems, but creates others. 

Lust is an issue that can be helped by marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

However, marriage is about connecting two families together.  Marriage cannot solve all emotional, physical, or spiritual issues.  Some things are made worse by marriage.

5.        Singleness can be lived out with contentment.

This world is passing away.  In Heaven we will not marry nor be given in marriage.

Matthew 22:30 For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

Paul wrote of his own general contentment in this life.

Philippians 4:12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

I have no doubt that Paul’s contentment was in spite of a lot of painful circumstances (2 Corinthians 11:23-28).  Paul, indeed, had “learned” the secret of contentment. 

I have no doubt that singleness has moments of anguish just as married life does.  The loss of a job, the death of a mother or father, a relationship problem …these things are processed a little differently by singles.

Sometimes singleness is very difficult. 

Healthy marriages are usually built upon the foundation of contented singles. 

A person’s spiritual growth is based upon their relationship to Jesus Christ, not their marital status.

Paul said something profound.

Philippians 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain

Women Are Awesome

I grew up in a home of two boys.  My brother is much older than me, thirteen years.  I didn’t understand a lot about girls.  When I got married, I had a crash course on women.  You know, marrying someone is a good way to get to know someone.  Then, I had two girls—daughters—in a row.  My mother moved in.  So even the “mail” box out front was appreciated—anything male!  So, until Jackson came along, I was the only man of the house. 

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper lip, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

I want to give the men here today some biblical wisdom on how to treat women.  You may be happily single, engaged, newly wed, or veterans.  However, we all need to understand what an awesome creation the female is, according to God’s design.

1.  No two women are alike!

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

A rude man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Genesis 1:31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

 
Women are created by God to be diverse.

            Single.

            Married.
            Working outside the home. 
            Working inside the home.

 Women deserve to be treated with tremendous honor!

 
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

(New Living Translation) 1 Peter 3:7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

I am still learning about women.  God has been teaching me so much.  This coming July, Carol & I will be celebrating seventeen years of marriage.  I am learning to appreciate the differences between men and women.  The Bible never refers to women as “weaker”, meaning that they are not as smart or as capable as men. 

The term used could be translated “more gentle”.  Women can get so much done with a gentle nudge.  Men work, often, with brute force.

A cashier shared this story:  "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied," but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

 Women are deserving of nothing less than Christ-like, sacrificial love!

Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Men are often clueless about women.

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Jenny listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"  Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?”

Women are happiest when they are made to feel secure in who God has created them to be.

Jesus dedicated his earthly ministry to establishing the strength and glory of the Church.  He ultimately died on the Cross for the Church.  To that degree (nothing less), the husband is to love his wife.  He is to give himself for her.  He is to dedicate his whole being to her…physically, emotionally, spiritually, and comprehensively. 

A husband who lives this way for his wife is almost never resented for his leadership in the family.

God made us to be (according to Ephesians 5)…

• Loved unconditionally

“Love your wives…” This type of love is spelled out on Calvary.

• Given special attention

“Washing of the water…” Bible teachers understand that the Holy Spirit brings the soul to repentance and cleansing so that the result is holiness and personal growth.

• Reminded of our unique purpose

“Presented …without spot…or wrinkle…”  If a man loves a woman, the love and care will have a positive, uplifting experience upon the woman.  She will become all that she is created to be because of his encouragement and influence.

• Given an opportunity to “shine”

“Without blemish…” In the end, the purpose of the family is to reflect upon the Glory of God.  Your purpose and my purpose is to be more like Jesus.  We are here to shine for Him.  To give our lives as an incarnate example of His greatness!

(Max Anders, Holman NT on Ephesians, p. 175)

Two rivers may flow smoothly before they merge; but when they flow together, they often become tumultuous.  Each river has its own current which collides with the current of the other river.  This creates a powerful undercurrent and spectacular system of rapids.  As the rivers flow downstream, the collision of currents subsides, and the new river emerges—broader, deeper and more powerful.  So it is with any relationship…specifically a marriage….  The forming of any union may have rough water, but as the currents of life merge, the two become broader, deeper and more powerful.  The two may truly become one.  As the husband and the wife imitate God, he blesses their lives with godly unity.  As the two become closer to him, they become closer to one another.

Wise Love

Solomon stayed in power for forty years (971-931 BC).  His Song could have been written at any time during his reign.  Two characters are on the stage of the Song of Solomon (Songs).  Solomon himself is in the leading male role.  The other role was a young Galilean woman—possibly a daughter of Pharaoh or an unknown young woman who became Solomon’s first wife.  This woman would have been Solomon’s wife before he married 699 other women and took in 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3).

This masterpiece was never quoted by Jesus or any of the disiples.  Really, it is empty of heavy theology about the atonement.  I find it interesting that the Jews would choose to read this Song on Passover and to call it “the Holy of Holies” in the Scripture.

The Song of Solomon is the “classic” love song.  Before there was 1 Corinthians 13, there was the Song of Solomon.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

The wonder of God’s love is demonstrated in Christian marriage.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

The Church is pictured as the “bride” of Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Solomon’s writing presents to us three non-negotiable rules for a healthy marriage…

1.    Date your spouse.

Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, you are beautiful, my love;  behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves.

Song of Solomon 2:4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.

Song of Solomon 2:6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!

Song of Solomon 2:10-12 My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, 11 for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. 12  The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come,and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.

Unusual “Pet” Names in the Song…

“rose of Sharon”

“lily of the valley”

“doe”

“stag”

“raisin cake”

“flock of goats”

My new pet name for my significant other __________.

     2.    Cherish in the early days (and in the later days).

Song of Solomon 4:7 You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

3.    Stay close to each other in difficult times.

Song of Solomon 6:10 “Who is this who looks down like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun, awesome as an army with banners?”

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. 7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.

Wise Living

Solomon explains that the future is not for us to understand.  On three occasions Solomon states that “you do not know.”  He says, “You do not understand.”  Because we do not know what the future holds, we have to be diligent and take advantage of every opportunity.  We cannot suffer from the paralysis of analysis. 

If you’ve done the best you can—if you have done what you have to do—there is no use worrying about it, because nothing can change it, and to be in a position of leadership ... you have to give thought to what’s going to happen the next day and you have to be fresh for ... what you have to do the next day. What you’re “going” to do is more important than what you have done.—The Words of Harry S. Truman, selected by Robert J. Donovan, Christianity Today, Vol. 30, no. 4.

Rick Majerus, men’s basketball coach, recently captured a common concern: “Everyone’s worried about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation, and altogether, I’m in depression.”—Leadership, Vol. 16, no. 4.

1.  Wise living is looking toward the future.

Ecclesiastes 11:1-2 Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. 2  Give a portion to seven, or even to eight, for you know not what disaster may happen on earth.

We cannot understand, on this side of Heaven, what God is doing in His providence.  People are not given the details of their future failures and successes.  We do not know if there will be a tornado, hurricane, or an epidemic illness.  However, we must keep on living our lives, investing our efforts into things that are of value. 

Solomon says it is best to diversify your investments—to put your eggs into more than one basket.

[Wesley’s] famous formula, “Get all you can; save all you can; give all you can,” must be supplemented. It should read: get all you can; save all you can; freely use all you can within a properly disciplined spiritual life; and control all you can for the good of humankind and God’s glory. Giving all you can would then naturally be a part of an overall wise stewardship.—Dallas Willard, The Spirit of the Disciplines, in Christianity Today, “Reflections,” Vol. 44, no. 7.

The NEB translates Ecclesiastes 11:1-2, “Send your grain across the seas, and in time you will get a return. Divide your merchandise among seven ventures, eight maybe, since you do not know what disasters may occur on earth.”

2.  Wise living is avoiding unnecessary worry

Ecclesiastes 11:3-4 If the clouds are full of rain, they empty themselves on the earth, and if a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where the tree falls, there it will lie. 4 He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.

“Trying to break away from my worries was like wrestling an octopus.”—Fred Smith, Christian Reader, Vol. 31. 

The word worry is from a word that means “to strangle.” That’s what worry does to us. It chokes us. It cuts off our emotional and spiritual air supply so that we get frustrated and angry. 

Matthew 6:25-27 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 

Solomon had many farmers in his kingdom.  He used their work as an example of diligence.  Solomon taught that it is best to work consistently rather than to keep waiting for a magic moment to come along.  Waiting for the wind to go away before planting the seeds or trying to harvest when there are no clouds makes one unproductive.  We have to keep on doing the work even when the conditions are not optimal. 

3.  Wise living is pressing on through difficult times.

Ecclesiastes 11:5-6 As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. 6 In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good. 

We cannot know how every little wind will blow.  You cannot see all of the details of life.  You cannot look inside every situation and see what the Lord is doing. 

Ecclesiastes 11:7-8 Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun. 8 So if a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all; but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many. All that comes is vanity. 

Light and darkness represent the good and the bad in life.  We should enjoy life as long as we can, because just as the sun goes down, we will experience the night of life—as well as death itself.

4.  Wise living is “Carpe Diem”—seizing the day—but taking it easy in the process!

Ecclesiastes 11:9-10 Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. 10 Remove vexation from your heart, and put away pain from your body, for youth and the dawn of life are vanity.

You are only young once.  Solomon said that enjoying life is about doing the normal things that bring joy: working, eating and drinking, having close relationships.  Now, Solomon tells us that we are to enjoy life to its fullest.  We should not restrain ourselves from things that are permitted by the Lord.   

There’s an old Greek proverb that says, “The bow that is always bent will soon break.” What that proverb seems to be implying is that the bow that is always under pressure, that never has an opportunity to release or let go, will soon break into a million pieces. 

“If there is ever a proverb that fits the society in which we live, this is it.” —Rod Cooper, “Worship or Worry?” Preaching Today, Tape No. 108. 

Solomon spoke primarily about God’s judgment during this life.  However, we will stand before God in the next life to be judged.

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

“Banish anxiety from your heart” speaks to the need to have a clear conscience and refuse to worry about things.   

“Cast off the troubles of your body” speaks to the physical things that we often worry ourselves with.

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Psalm 39:4-5 O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! 5 Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath! Selah