Because of the high character that God has called us to exhibit, Paul gives us some practical help. It’s easy to say, "Have a Godly family." It is much more difficult and complicated to make that happen.
God's grace changes hearts; it also changes homes!
We have terrible conditions in many homes today. Single parents are shouldering the load alone. Kids are spending too much time in front of screens. On a more tragic note, kids are often neglected, undervalued or abused.
If your family is not functional, nothing in life is easy.
The first social grouping God created on the earth was not the church; it was the family. So, as families go--so goes the rest of society.
Matthew 19:4-6 He answered, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."
Paul gave us the principles to correct dysfunctional families.
In Colossae, the typical home would consist of father, mother, children and servants. Paul gives instructions to each particular group.
1. Dysfunctional families lack spiritual leadership.
Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
The Gospel elevates everyone. In Roman society, the Gospel opened up opportunities for women to rise in status. Many of the key church planters were women.
The word "submit" is a term of order. It indicates voluntary submission to proven leadership. This is not a reference to mindless obedience. It is certainly not about subjugation.
Most importantly, this has nothing to do with worth or value--implying that men are greater than women or that women are greater than men.
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
When this instruction is given in Ephesians, it is given in the context
of an attitude of mutual submission and humility.
Ephesians 5:21 Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
The family must operate with a sense of order.
1 Corinthians 14:40 But all things should be done decently and in order.
A sense of order provides an environment for growth that enables people to achieve their greatest potential.
2. Dysfunctional families are driven by guilt, anger, and codependency.
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Love is the word "agape." This is the love that Christ shares with the Church.
Husband, what does it mean to love your wife?
• Seeking her welfare above your own.
• Honoring her in every decision, attitude, and action.
• Being considerate in every word or deed.
The word "harsh" may also be translated "bitter."
Harboring resentment against your spouse about something they did or did not do will be the unhinging of your marriage.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) is the Christian way to settle differences.
"Do not let the sun go down on your anger" is essential to a Christian marriage (Ephesians 4:26).
Christian marriage is a skill to be developed, not a program to be downloaded.
3. Dysfunctional families are deficient in rules, boundaries, or recognized authority.
Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Something we overlook is the fact that this part of the Scripture was actually addressed to the children. It was assumed by Paul that these children were being taught the Bible.
Children's Rights....
• Children have a right to be born.
• Children have a right to a great dad who loves Jesus.
• Children have a right to wise, creative mothers who love and care for them.
• Children have a right to be taught wisdom and biblical principles at home and in a local church.
Children's Responsibilities....
• Children have the foremost responsibility of obedience to their parents in all things.
• Children are instructed to obey. Should this be absolute? What if a teenage boy in Iran decides to become a Christian and his parents try to forbid him?
When God's truth and anyone's demands come into conflict, a child should obey God.
When a child defies his parents, he will defy any authority--including God. He or she will defy teachers, police, bosses, etc.
Parents who do not discipline themselves cannot discipline their children.
Parents who cannot submit to God and to each other raise children who are unyielding.
4. Dysfunctional families promote destructive cycles which rob future generations of hope.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
A parent should be careful not to frustrate a child or suffocate them emotionally. Rules should be reasonable, not on a whim. Just as God uses lessons to teach us, a parent should discipline and enrich a child with patience and grace.
Your home should be the happiest place on earth for your child. Parents should never use their children in power-plays. The home should be a calm, encouraging place for your children.
The best way to know how to encourage your child is to spend time with him/her.
The problems that seem small to us are huge to our kids. Kids get frustrated over the normal challenges of life: eating, studying, communicating with others, spending time with people...ordinary things.
The ordinary things of life are difficult for kids because they have yet to learn what they can and cannot change. The heart of a child is full of questions and ideals. Kids are still learning how they fit into everything. It is a recipe for frustration.
